i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
