I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
