you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
