the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
