I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
