I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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