my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can't turn off my feet"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
