guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
