have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
