At least make sure they are 18
Why
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
