it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
