wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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