I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
