just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
