One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
