No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
