I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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