Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
being pregnant is like rehab
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
