I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
