i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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