FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize