just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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