you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
