I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
wow bdsm is so cute
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize