Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
