I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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