Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
