Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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