this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i think i just lost a toe
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
