Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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