There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize