Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
