Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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