dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
