so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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