I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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