She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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