drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
