i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
