fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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