You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
