he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
