btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
