actually, I'm a sock model
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
