I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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