after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
