I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
