if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
