I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
