doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
