what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
