why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We left the knife in your bed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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