no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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