K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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