pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
