Sober January is a disaster.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize