Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
