You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
