Don't you send me to vm
she woke up with a sticky ear
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
