tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
