Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
