doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
