Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
