their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
