just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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