We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
