Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
