he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My feet surprised me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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