The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize