if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
