Dual....:-)
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
