Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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