I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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