god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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