she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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