Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
