that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
