Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
