I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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